It is 11:30am here, and I have begun to count the hours left before my children return from school. So long, my identity was that of a “homeschool mom.” We had children so young, before I even knew who I was. A little over a decade later, I am greeted by silence.
I sit in a quiet apartment sipping hot tea, thinking of how this new chapter of life has just begun. I am excited, yet a little uncertain. I cannot see what is going to happen, so in some ways, I am feeling around for another foothold. This morning, the children happily bounded away without looking back-not once. Perhaps their spirits are lighter, because they are now free. They are beginning their lives apart from me-for a little while, anyway… And I will have to make a life apart from them, as well.
This isn’t like summer camp. Camp was only supposed to be a temporary exposure to other children. I saw it as merely an educational exercise, really. “This is how you interact with other children…” No, this was just my response to grandparent’s concerns regarding the much touted need for “socialization.” However, I did not anticipate the compounded effects of this so-called “lesson.” In truth, our children considered camp a portal into another world meant for only them and their little playmates… Rule #1: No parents allowed! Frankly, it reminded me of the reason I had wanted a tree house as a youngster-a little world of my own, an escape from the probing eyes of parents (that is, until dinner time…).
As I meditate on this day, and what it really means…I am thankful that we were honest about our homeschooling experience. I am also quite thankful that my husband trusts the direction of our family as it shifts into its new phase. My strength rests in his calm, glimmering eyes-his quiet approval. My joy is renewed in solitude, and theirs is renewed through fellowship with their peers. I am so relieved that there is consensus, in that. I am proud that they carry “good home training” with them, at a time when politeness and self-control can make a child seem unique.
I am grateful for the love that we share, and it comforts me this cool morning. I sigh, while surveying the chores that still need to be done. I am ready to begin, while keeping one eye on the clock.
Still, I smile. It is nearly time for their return.
