I went to another counseling session on Friday, and dh “freaked” upon my return. An altercation ensued, and the kids and I are baracaded in our apartment, without HIM. He’s got a “no contact” order, that he has continually violated since then. In two days, I have received around 5 emails, 7 phone calls-and still counting! I wish I were kidding…Maybe not, because now it’s quite obvious that he definitely needs lots of help, and our safety is at stake. Regardless of all this mess, I was surprised by how calm I feel, and how absolutely optimistic about life, I am. WOW, I’m actually excited about the future! We’re going to return to the states, soon. I don’t know when, yet, but we’ll be on our way in no time…
I had kept silent for quite a while, but I’m not sad about it. For years, I’ve tried to portray having a strong, healthy family-life to my relatives. As a product of divorce, the last thing I wanted to do was to perpetuate the cycle. I wanted to pretend that I ”beat the odds,” and ultimately was more blessed by God. Kinda’ arrogant, I know…but also just human. Yes, I was blessed with two wonderful children, and a renewed purpose for living.
I will stand strong for my childeren, and tell others my story. There is a wonderful place apart from abuse, whether physical or nonphysical. I have learned so many subtle ways that a husband can use to manipulate, control and ultimately crush his wife. I have felt so much pain and mental anguish, that I am confident it’s not a place to live. I am so relieved that a new chapter of my life is just beginning. As I start to read these “life pages” it looks wonderful. No more wishing for this world to end. Life is not so bad, afterall.
*Note: There’s a list (on pages 209-210) from a wonderful book the social worker let me borrow, entitled “No Visible Wounds: Identifying nonphysical abuse of women by their men” by mary Susan Miller, PhD. It really helped me gague the extent of husband’s nonphysical abuse. It confirmed to me and the kids that the diagnosis was absolutely correct.
